


A Combination of Silver and Gold

by MuffyKastel



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon
Genre: Canon - Manga, Chaos!Mamoru, Cosmos!Usagi, Creation Myth, Duality, End of the World, F/M, Mythology References, Post-Canon, Reincarnation, post-manga canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:27:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26518198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuffyKastel/pseuds/MuffyKastel
Summary: They always were two halves of a whole.
Relationships: Chaos/Sailor Cosmos, Chiba Mamoru/Tsukino Usagi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	A Combination of Silver and Gold

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on FF early 2019. This version has been re-edited for like the 4th time. 
> 
> Chaos=Mamoru theory ahead. Be warned.

What came first, Cosmos or Chaos?

It's a silly question she realizes, because in every life time he was always older than her.

So the answer was obvious.

As was the answer to how he always managed to come back after so many defeats.

"Sailor Chaos? Isn't that meant for girls?"

"So? You have many different forms,"

"Heh, but you know what my default is, right?"

"…That means nothing in the grand scheme of things,"

"..."

"Keep lying to yourself, Cosmos."

"But-"

"See what it changes."

She remembers the life of a naïve princess that fell into a forbidden romance.

Princess Serenity's life was not her first and it wasn't her last either, because Cosmos was fated to be incarnated over and over again.

Sailor Cosmos thinks back to how she used to run through the halls of the moon palace, playing hide and seek with her Senshi. She remembers how her long white dress would flow around her and how it would move in the winds of Earth.

Princess Serenity would be scolded by Mercury for missing her classes.

Princess Serenity would be tailed by Mars as she snuck out of the palace to visit the beautiful Earth.

Princess Serenity would find comfort in the warmth of Jupiter's cooking.

Princess Serenity would weep in Venus's arms as she was prevented from seeing her one true love.

Sailor Cosmos remembers the willowy figure of Queen Serenity and the sheer sweetness of her tone.

And all that came to a crashing halt because she fell in love with an Earth Prince.

Sailor Cosmos thinks if it was all some divine plan or quantum time lock-the destruction of the Silver Millennium that is. It was always meant to fall, wasn't it? With or without her love.

Princess Serenity was young. She was foolish, but she was also innocent. A sheltered girl who only wanted a taste of the outside world.

There's too many interpretations to think of for Princess Serenity and why she did what she did.

But in the end, it came down to love. Because that's what Cosmos was all about, asides from order. It was fitting for an incarnation of Cosmos to go down like she did, dying for the love of her life- _because_ of the love of her life.

Sailor Cosmos can tell herself that all she wants, but she really wants to distance herself from the entity known as Cosmos itself.

(And she can't, because it explains her too much.)

"Being serious doesn't suit you, Cosmos."

"Being so talkative doesn't suit _you_ , Chaos,"

He walks up to her slowly and stares hard.

"You look more like your crystal, what caused this sudden change?"

"…"

She had no choice in her appearance. This was the body she had to work with, as her original was destroyed long, long ago.

This is the body of Tsukino Usagi and in a way it's hers…but in a way it's not.

(But of course, she's lying. She had to change the body so it wouldn't remind her of her previous life.)

Incarnations are only incarnations after all. This is body is only a fraction of what would be Cosmos' original body.

(She misses her blonde hair, she would trade it back over this silver any day.)

"I could say the same to you, Chaos? Why become a blond?"

It's his turn to stay silent and run his hands through his now shiny blond hair.

(He too won't admit he misses his previous appearance. Dark hair suited him better.)

"You don't deserve to see me at my best with all the things you've done,"

Is what he says right before he flings himself at her and again, the two engage in a brawl.

Sailor Cosmos lived a dream as Tsukino Usagi. Surrounded by friends and companions constantly, the girl was never lonely.

Up until the showdown at Galactica Palace, that is.

No more Ami to silently support her from the sidelines.

No more Rei to instigate her into taking action.

No more Makoto to be the brute force behind her.

No more Minako to lead them with her flamboyant arrogance.

No more Haruka to be her knight and fend off anyone in her way.

No more Michiru to give the instinctual guidance she needed.

No more Setsuna to bestow her wisdom of the future.

No more Hotaru to ensure everything was as it should be.

Chibi-Usa was in her own time, far beyond Usagi's.

Her mother, father and brother were all unaware of her secret double life.

Her other friends couldn't get involved as they had no powers to defend themselves.

Luna, Artemis and Diana were gone-slain in her moment of weakness in the River Lethe.

And Mamoru. _And Mamoru_.

Once again, he had been taken from her and put on the side of evil.

Looking back at it, _maybe_ it was all deliberate. Albeit, unconsciously deliberate.

She was left to fight her friends, forgotten by her loved ones, and prove to the entire universe that she could defeat Chaos in a different way.

Throwing herself into the cauldron was the best and worst decision she ever made.

She could've only prevented the inevitable for so long, however.

He wouldn't admit it, but the first time he saw his crystal as Mamoru, he was confused.

Why gold? The darkness suited him better, did it not? He always wore a black suit when fighting; he was _not_ golden.

But being by Usagi's side made him not question it aloud.

_‘Because the Earth ya know…and-and the Sun too… and you're a good person!’_ , is what she might say to quell his worries. And it probably would have worked too, but only for a short time. There was no need to get his hopes up.

Chaos could not delude himself into thinking he was a 'good' person.

Everything he did was for Cosmos and not himself.

Chiba Mamoru's life revolved around Tsukino Usagi and it’s something he knows he can't escape from.

Because even though Chaos came first, it found itself surrounding Cosmos at any time and at any moment.

He needed to be selfish! That's what Chaos was!

But looking back at the little mistakes Mamoru made in hurting Usagi still makes him want to rip his heart out.

(Harvard? _Really?_ )

How come the choices he made for himself always seemed to hurt her? Did he have to revolve around Usagi? Why couldn't he do things for himself without it causing her some type of pain?

It was always…always about **_her_**.

Everything had to be about **_her._**

The time flew and went by, from the 21st century to Crystal Tokyo and in the end there was nothing left.

Now it was time for Chaos and Cosmos to rise, two separate but equally powerful energies that made up the universe.

Long ago, it was just them and before them, it was just the empty void, the abyss that was Chaos.

Then Cosmos appeared as a light. A bright energy in the abyss and it was just the two of them.

Content. Opposing sides of the force, but they still were able to coexist with no issues.

Until someone had an idea. A surge of action took ahold of the energy that was Cosmos and the will to create other things was the frontline of their growing mind.

Chaos refused and that's when the combat started.

Everything around them acted as make-shift bodies and forms, massive in size and looked completely monstrous.

It begged the question to how this universe Cosmos wanted would come about.

"How was your time in the past?"

It's the first thing Cosmos hears when she opens her eyes and looks around. She's in her time again, in the never-ending space of the future. Her eyes spot him immediately, in his golden glory with a ripped cape of black and red. It hangs on him like an old-fashioned tunic and it's something that royalty of his kind really shouldn't be wearing.

She turns to him and pulls out her response, right from her chest. The Silver Crystal blooms in her palm and Chaos narrows his eyes.

"About time I used it, wouldn't you agree?" She sneers.

It was the advantage she held over him for years, decades _, millennia._

Mamoru could never quite use the full power of the Golden Crystal. Endymion only faintly knew of its existence.

She forgot about her own crystal’s existence (another lie; she ignored it because she was Cosmos now, Usagi was a memory of the past). But Eternal Sailor Moon taught her something, made her remember what made her, **_her_**.

"Tch. Of course, of course…" Chaos says but is at a loss for words after it.

Sailor Cosmos smiles triumphantly and watches the crystal pulse.

Cosmos was going to win.

Usagi was going to get her Mamo-chan back.

It wasn't until Crystal Tokyo that he realized something was up. It was just mindless thinking really as he overheard all the Senshi talk.

It was during their regular meetings that brought the Inner Court and Outer Court together. There were many other Senshi as well, like the Starlights and the Amazoness Quartet but they weren't important.

It was a simple conversation really between them all, minus Neo Queen Serenity who was taking care of Chibi- ** _AHEM,_** Small Lady Serenity. Well, more or less the Senshi and he stood idly by listening in.

He could never ignore that there was always a weird distance between him and the girls no matter what. Was it the age difference? Gender and Sex? He didn't really know. Individually it was fine; he got along well enough with Mercury intellectually, and he and Jupiter bonded over their similar living conditions. Mars, Neptune, Saturn and himself found common-ground in their spirituality and he learned a lot from Pluto and Uranus in terms of wisdom and masculine interests.

But when it was everyone as a group…it was difficult to join in casually. But this time it worked as an advantage.

"If it wasn't for Usagi back then, who knows where I would have ended up," Jupiter started as she looked up at the sky. "Probably completely friendless, I would have had no one."

Many of the others shook their heads in disagreement, him included. Surely, Kino Makoto would have found someone and opened up the flower shop of her dreams…right?

Mercury was one of the few that didn't shake their heads. "I…agree. I don't think I would have ended up with any friends either."

Mars looked at her oddly, as did Uranus. Venus looked deep in thought for a moment before finally saying, "I remember you telling me that people were afraid to talk to you at school, right?"

Mercury nodded and looked down in embarrassment. "Everyone thought I was stuck-up-"

"Ooo! Me too!" Venus interjected. "For some reason everyone thought that when I started to go quiet and stuff. Seriously! Being quiet doesn't mean your stuck-up or arrogant or…" the blonde continued to list other traits she was _absolutely sure_ she was called behind her back after becoming Sailor V.

Neptune lightly chuckled at her, earning Venus' annoyed glare her way. "Something funny, Michiru?"

The turquoise-haired solider shook her head and a soft smile graced her face. "No, no, nothing like that," she leaned back into Uranus' chest.

"It just reminded me that I was called those words to my face all the time,"

"Hmph, not even getting the luxury of hearing it behind our backs," Uranus chided.

The duo went back and forth with traits.

"Vain,"

"Shallow,"

"Bitchy,"

"Eye-sore,"

"Disgrace,"

The list continued onwards, getting darker with each word to becoming full blown threats.

"I just tuned it out," Mars suddenly spoke up. "Eventually, it stopped after Usagi befriend me. It was like the minute she entered my life, everything and everyone around me just brightened."

"No one else mattered, except her. Because in the end, she was all I needed," Venus agreed.

"The shining star of the Silver Millennium…" Uranus reminisced.

Pluto found herself looking up at the bright blue sky and clutched her garnet rod. "I wouldn't be able to see this without her,"

The only other person who stayed silent this entire time was Saturn, who had more to contribute to Chibi-Usa than Usagi. But Chibi-Usa needed Usagi in order to exist, so there was that factor.

In truth, everyone surrounded themselves around Usagi. But wasn't that odd? Too convenient?

King Endymion reflected on everyone's statements and took their lives into account. The only one who lived a good upbringing was Usagi. The only one who lived in a constant state of bliss and happiness was Usagi. It wasn't a stretch to say that everyone was drawn to Usagi because of not exactly who _she_ was, but because _their own_ lives needed someone like her to brighten it up.

_Think about it:_

They all were lonely, none of them lived uplifting childhoods.

It was all too contrived, like something bigger was at play here.

It was almost like to ensure Usagi had a group of people willing to support her no matter what, because she _would be_ there most important person.

She would make their life worth living.

And maybe that's why they were all bound to her, whether they liked it or not. If they would even realize it or not.

And somewhere, deep down inside of King Endymion, Chaos wonders if Cosmos' self-worth is really that low.

Loneliness? Or Selfishness?

_Looks like we're not so different after all_ , Chaos thinks to himself.

Because Queen Serenity may have reincarnated them directly bypassing the Galaxy Cauldron, but she too was only another incarnation of Cosmos. A minor one, unlike him or Usagi who were the closest incarnations but still.

(No support system for me this time, hmm? No family or Shitennou… _suspicious_ Cosmos).

_You knew if we lived too good, we would have no time for you,_

_Don't act so humble Cosmos, you **want** to be worshipped._

_After all, this world is based on your Divine Plan and I'm just a mild interference in it. I may be at your aid in this body and your enemy in others, but you're calling all the shots, yeah?_

_To think I raised such a greedy goddess…but then again, this is what you get when you live with the literal embodiment of disorder, huh?_

The Silver Crystal glows brighter and brighter, but Chaos won't allow himself to shatter so easily.

He has its rival, it's other half and he wastes no time in pulling the Golden Crystal out of himself. He watches it pulse, grow and glow even quicker than its opponent.

But then they’re evenly matched and the spiritual battle has begun.

The two figures lunge at each other, crystals in hands facing outwards.

Sailor Cosmos' long silver hair flows behind her in its twin trails while Sailor Chaos' golden hair flows in front of him, covering one eye.

And for a split moment, just a mere second before the two figures crash into each other in the midst of nothing around them _they see something_.

_They see each other._

No Cosmos.

No Chaos.

No Serenity either. Or Endymion.

Not even Sailor Moon or Tuxedo Mask.

_But it's-_

It's almost like a flashback.

But Sailor Cosmos and Sailor Chaos find themselves watching a monstrous battle between two entities in a world that doesn't even exist yet.

They watch their original bodies (or what could even be called a 'body' at that time) clash at each other.

From what _they,_ the host personalities for the current Cosmos and Chaos understood, it was almost like a will or desire. There's no real thought process behind the two entity's known as Cosmos or Chaos, after all. They were forces of power with no personality, especially when it was at a time where it was just the two of them.

But from all the subtle movements it's like they could make out an argument.

_And just how will you make this new world?_ The actions taken by Chaos screamed that question.

A glimmer erupted from Cosmos and a sudden pierce was done into Chaos.

Not one to be outdone, Chaos too caused a rupture in Cosmos.

Everything that made them up spilled forth, shattering their bodies and leaving bits and pieces of their original forms scattered throughout the new world.

And from there, what made up the original power of the two entities of the universe would soon by compressed into small, shiny forms called crystals.

They would create souls upon souls, filled with different things they didn't even have- _like emotions_. All of which originated from the center, Sagittarius Zero Star, from where they had originally dispersed.

And eventually, after the universe progressed after some time, two avatars would be born.

And they would be considered the hosts of the two rivaling powers of the universe-made to be around each other always, no matter what, because that's what Chaos and Cosmos simply were.

Eternally bound, eternally together, eternally opposites.

_Can you call something like this love?_

The two stare each other, messy and shaken and unsure of what to do or say.

They just witnessed the brutal start of the world they lived in.

They were the closest things to the original Cosmos and Chaos, in small bodies compared to massive energy the two wielded before. They were different, not just two opposing sides but they were _people_ with personalities, and emotions and _lives_.

They lived full lives, multiple times and lived existences that the original entities of their power could never know or understand-even if they did represent certain aspects of it.

The world Tsukino Usagi and Chiba Mamoru lived in for thousands upon thousands of years was on the corpses of Cosmos and Chaos.

And here they were, going to die on their own corpses yet again.

And for _what?_

Chaos takes a step forward and Cosmos stands still for a moment till she too finds herself weakly walking to him until they are nearly touching, chest to chest.

"You ripped me apart," Chaos seethes, forgoing Mamoru's personality for once and saying what it can now that it has a voice and the ability to concisely talk.

"You ripped _me_ apart." Cosmos says, also responding for itself and not using Usagi's core as a base.

"I _did_ what had to be _done_ ,"

"As if!"

"You just couldn't stay content, could you? You just needed to be greedy and want more and more and _more_ -"

"I did what I was supposed to do! I was meant to create, Chaos!"

"Create? _Create_? What, that never-ending cycle that was hell, Cosmos? I had no part in what you did and I'd say you went more chaotic than _me_ -"

"That's what I was supposed to _do_ -"

"And look where we've ended up!" Chaos shouts over her, fuming. "Right back at the start, where it's just the two of us and none of your little people are around!"

Cosmos stomps forward, bringing the space between them to a minimal zero. "And who did that!? You just went ahead and had to be selfish and go around killing people-"

"As if the laws of your universe didn't dictate awful deaths in the first place!" Chaos cups her face harshly and his eyes bore into hers. "You were a murderer too, the ways of your universe made you one. Don't even _try_ to deny it!"

"It's order. It's the natural process of all life and existence in world-"

"And here you are, still talking as if you knew your world would last!"

"It would have had you not gotten in the way! We could have been happy, Chaos…" Her shoulders slump and she looks down. "Happy…so happy together…"

Chaos grips her, making her stand up tall and look at him. "I only sped up the process of what was to come," He tilts her chin up and speaks lowly. "Nothing lasts Cosmos, not even your world, not even mine."

"I know that…I know, but…" Cosmos’ eye’s avert his and in a glimmer it's like he sees a familiar bubbly blue.

"There can be no peace forever, Cosmos. No eternal happiness. There must always be a struggle and that is why I will always interfere," Chaos mused. She looks at him wide-eyed and realizes that in a way, he is right. Even the 'struggles' she put into place are nothing to the real thing Chaos can conjure. But still…

"About what I did, about my world…" In the spur of the moment she looks up at him and clutches his shoulders.

"I still don't think what I did was wrong!"

Chaos laughs and leans down so their foreheads touch.

"Same here, I don't think what I did was wrong either,"

"So I guess…"

"Yeah, that's right,"

_We'll never understand each other,_

_And yet…_

_We'll always understand each other._

They're too close now. Their crystals shatter below them, a beautiful combination of silver and gold.

"This host is getting tired of me," Cosmos murmurs as she watches as the shards begin to dissipate.

"Unsurprising," Chaos comments snidely. "I'm getting quite tired of you as well,"

"I imagine the same could be said for your host,"

Chaos laughs but gives no other response. It's enough to see they agree with each other on something.

And after a few moments there's a shift in the air, in tone, in the way their hair and eyes spark and revert to a more…humanlike color.

Everything rumbles around them and it's like everything is coming to a close as the last of the shards sprinkle into nothing.

No more power. No more energy. Nothing left to keep the entities known as Cosmos and Chaos going.

And the two bodies left realize what they have to do. Even without crystals acting as life forces, their bodies still stand.

"I think it's time to end this charade, don't you think?"

"Mhmm, there's no need to keep talking like that anymore,"

(And that too is a lie, there is no separation for Cosmos and Usagi, likewise for Chaos and Mamoru. Think of it like two aspects of the soul: the almighty powerhouse and the domestic mortality.)

"Let's see where this new world takes us," She smiles blissfully. After millions upon millions of years their duel has finally come to an end.

"Hmm, to the cauldron maybe? Seeing if you want it again, that is…" He ponders for a moment but grins when he sees her smile. There is no guarantee for what can happen after this and that alone makes it worthwhile.

They both lower their hands to each other's stomachs and position themselves.

"I'll always love you Mamo-chan."

"You'll always be my shining star, Usako."

And just like the first time, they rip each other apart.

Once again, a whole world is born upon the corpses of two divine entities.

And somewhere, a young girl wakes up. She ties her hair into two buns with long trails behind them and runs out the door.

She runs into a boy with short hair and stylishly cut bangs who teases her cutely. They walk together and run into some other people, friends and family.

Bad things happen and good things happen too. That's just how it goes with those two around.

Yes, they have more than what they could ask for but that too, is just how it is.

And just like before and how it always will be, Cosmos and Chaos have their entire essences intertwined.

And Usagi and Mamoru could be together, in love, like they always will be, for an eternity.

(Until Cosmos and Chaos decide something _a little exciting_ needs to happen again, that is.)

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the first fic I've moved over from FF on to here. Feels good. I've been meaning to make the jump over for a while now, so I decided to start with this fic first.
> 
> The original version of this is still on FF, with all the silly mistakes (there's probably still some here that I haven't caught and will probably catch months later on the spur-of-the-moment re-read) and a more detailed author's note, so go there if you want more background on the development of this fic. 
> 
> What I will say here is that I did change some of the content, as I forgot that Luna, Artemis and Diana died in the manga. I changed it so that Usagi is aware of their deaths now. Also, the Chaos=Mamoru theory is one of my favorite Sailor Moon theories, despite the fact that it's outlandish and crackish as all hell. I just like the duality it would bring him and Usagi.
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading!


End file.
